dont bother about the title

          So, here I am again.I mostly drop by when I have nothing else to do(well isn't that obvious?).
Anyways,I don't feel particularly inspired to write,so I suppose I'l keep doodling around with words until I start making sense of my thoughts.
          Let me begin by describing my surroundings.It is dark outside as well as inside(the bulb broke down
and I don't have the will power to get out and buy a new one,at least for now). So i suppose I'l make do with
my table lamp for the night.And did I mention,I'm in my hostel room right now.Nice place,if only there was someone around. There's Pennywise on the stereo.(abruptly ended)

Hey!
been some time.first things first,i got another job(at SBI general insurance).Having a hard time explaining people the role of a mechanical engineer in this line. Anyways, on the psychological front,I'd say i'm relatively healthy,although God knows till when will this "status quo" between me and my depression last.
         Here's another thing I have noticed. When I suffered from depression,there was this misery of mine I could talk about.One can go on an on about his misfortunes and how God has forsaken him But it is difficult to be so prolific once you're out of it(or atleast when you think you are out of it).
          But things have improved,you didn't tell anyone of your father's death did you?I suppose you did the right thing,no point crying over spilt milk.And I am personally proud of you to have gone through the whole process in such a calm manner.I know about your plans to forbid your own offsprings  from performing any stupid rituals on your dead body.
         Anyways,i'm running out of ideas now.Hope you're doing fine,my dear friend from the future.
        PS:Tony Martin in the background.

No need for a title here,just a quick word.
GOD LOVES LAME PEOPLE.
Being lame is a sure shot guarantee to success.
I wonder why it is so.Maybe the world doesn't need as many decent people.
We need more people on the manufacturing floor than in the r&d unit.
Now,obviously,i don't belong to the "elite"/"r&d" class.Hell,i'm just a pseudo intellectual.
But it can't prevent me from noticing how hard it can be for you if you aren't like everyone else.
But hey,who am i to say that being different is being better,maybe I'm just a faulty piece,a reject.
Really anxious to know about this particular thing,whether I have any serious talent,or am I just a faulty piece.

  I dont feel a need to mention any dates here(here's another thing,amrit,you used to be bad with dates and numbers).A "not so cold" winter night would suffice to describe my surroundings.Not cold enough to put on your jacket,not hot enough to take it off,i hate this. I think i'm a winter person. The fact that the world outside is cold while you lie warm inside your quilt,somehow, is quite reassuring.Okay,I know i'm babbling  now,I'l get to the point.
  What makes me write today?Just read a couple of "success stories" about my classmates.I wonder what it is about other people's success that makes me hate myself so much.Maybe it is the fact that i don't remember achieving anything of any consequence.Yes,probably that's the reason.In any case,it is very disturbing.It hinders my social life(not that I have any),but it is quite annoying to get a bout of depression everytime you step out.How many times,have I deleted my facebook account just to get away from people's updates about how successful they are?How many times have I avoided going to public events,just to escape this feeling of shame that I get when I'm around people
  It makes me wonder,am I the only one who is so insecure or are there others like me.I guess i'll keep feeling so,unless I have achieved something.But then what?Will that satiate my hunger for,should I say,acceptance?Maybe not.For there will always be someone more successful than me.But it would be nice to achieve something of some consequence.
  I wonder what the future holds for me.

Hmm,so,,if you are reading this,then you really have nothing better to do.
Although I seriously doubt i'l have any visitors here,yet i thought i might record my own statements and review them from time to time to monitor my progress,social,mental,physical(well not really).
So,basically,I'll consider my statements here, as directed to myself.The correspondence,so to say, would be between the present me and the future me. So,amrit from the future,if you are reading this,then you should know a few things about your past:
a)you used to be depressed(i deliberately left out the adjective,,chronically,mildly, i dont know)
b)you used to suffer from many internal conflicts.
c)self pity was your favourite past time.
d)your favourite quote "depression is like getting drunk,quite self indulgent but one feels stupid once out of it"
e)really indecisive about your future.
f)immature,lonely,boring and a little chubby(well that's ok with me)
g)used to be jealous of everyone around you,for a reason.

                I hope you have changed now.The situation doesnt look so promising from my view point though,but who am I to judge.